When we talk about helping a young adult who is at risk for substance abuse, struggling with addiction, or working toward recovery, we often talk about the people we expect to be involved.
Parents. Friends. Physicians. Therapists. Teachers. Recovery professionals.
There is another person who may occupy a very different, and sometimes uniquely powerful, place in a young adult’s life:
A spiritual or religious advisor.
That person might be a rabbi, priest, minister, imam, chaplain, youth leader, spiritual counselor, or another trusted person connected to faith or spirituality. And sometimes, the conversation a young person cannot have with a parent is one they can have with this person.
At Gregg’s Gift, our continuing theme this year is Honest Conversations because substance abuse so often thrives in the places where honest conversation disappears or perhaps never had a safe foothold. Too many emotions lead to silence: fear, shame, denial.
And addiction itself can create an entire architecture of secrecy: Don’t tell them. They won’t understand. They’ll be disappointed in you. You should be able to handle this yourself.
An honest conversation begins dismantling that architecture.
Substance abuse is obviously a physical and psychological issue. It may require medical treatment, therapy, rehabilitation, medication, peer support, or other professional interventions. Spiritual counseling should never be considered a substitute for appropriate professional care. But there is another dimension of substance abuse that can easily be overlooked.
It can become a crisis of meaning. A young adult may not only be asking:
How do I stop using?
They may also be asking:
How did I become this person?
Have I disappointed everyone who believed in me?
Can I ever repair what I’ve done?
Am I still a good person?
Does my life still have value?
Can I be forgiven?
Can I forgive myself?
And perhaps the most painful question:
Is there still a future for me?
Those aren’t simply medical questions. They are profoundly human questions. And that is where a trusted spiritual advisor may be able to enter the conversation in a way few others can. Imagine a young adult finally saying:
“I think I have a problem.”
What happens in the next few seconds matters enormously. If the response is anger, horror, accusation, moral condemnation, or panic, the door that opened for just a moment may close again, irrevocably.
But imagine instead hearing:
“I’m glad you told me. Let’s talk about what’s happening.”
Those words do not excuse substance abuse. They do something more important. They keep the conversation going and a spiritual advisor can sometimes provide the place where a young person can talk without immediately worrying about disappointing Mom, frightening Dad, losing a relationship, or being punished. For some young adults, that emotional distance can make honesty easier. And honesty can be the beginning of help.
There is also an important caution here: Religion and spirituality can be tremendous sources of comfort, community, hope, forgiveness, and purpose. Yet, if handled poorly, religious language can intensify shame. No one, especially a young person struggling with addiction, needs to hear that substance abuse proves they are morally weak, spiritually deficient, or somehow unworthy of love.
Addiction is not a character defect.
Nor can prayer, faith, or willpower alone be assumed to resolve a substance use disorder. The most helpful spiritual advisors understand the boundary between spiritual support and clinical treatment.
They know when to listen. They know when to comfort. And, importantly, they know when to say: “We need some additional help.”
A young adult who is struggling with substance abuse and who can reach out to their rabbi, priest, minister, imam, chaplain, or other spiritual advisor may find a bridge to treatment precisely because the young person trusts them enough to take their recommendation for medical assistance seriously.
There is another reason spiritual conversation can become especially important during recovery. Recovery creates empty spaces. Just think: If substances consumed someone’s thoughts, relationships, weekends, social life, coping mechanisms, and identity, removing them creates an enormous void.
What fills that space now?
For some young adults, spirituality can become part of the answer. Not necessarily organized religion. Not necessarily doctrine. Yet, in addition to the ability to trust a spiritual advisor, the shared conversation may create a connection.
Service.
Gratitude.
Community.
Meditation.
Forgiveness.
Responsibility.
A renewed sense of purpose.
All these can wrap around the belief that one’s worst decisions do not have to determine the rest of one’s life; through a spiritual advisor, the young adult can find purpose in a healthier future; a future that may look very different from the recent past.
A trusted spiritual advisor can help a young adult explore not simply, “What am I giving up?” but:
“What kind of life am I trying to build?”
That is a very different conversation.
Spiritual advisors can also play an important role with parents and families. Just think of it: families affected by substance abuse often live with an exhausting combination of love, fear, anger, guilt, and uncertainty.
Did we miss something?
Did we cause this?
Should we have been stricter?
Should we have noticed sooner?
When are we helping, and when are we enabling?
How can we trust again?
Sometimes parents need their own safe place to say things they are afraid to say to their child. A compassionate spiritual advisor can help families understand that loving someone does not mean pretending everything is fine. Forgiveness does not mean eliminating boundaries, hope does not mean denying reality, and supporting recovery does not mean controlling it.
These distinctions can be enormously important.
At Gregg’s Gift, we are not suggesting that one conversation—with a spiritual advisor or anyone else—will magically prevent addiction or produce recovery.
Usually, there is no single conversation; there is a chain of them.
The conversation with the friend who says, “I’m worried about you.”
The conversation with the parent who finally asks, “What’s really happening?”
The conversation with the physician who asks the right questions.
The conversation with the counselor who helps uncover what lies underneath the substance use.
And perhaps the conversation with a spiritual advisor who says:
“What has happened matters. And what happens next matters, too.”
Each conversation can become a bridge to the next one.
That is why we believe so strongly in creating environments where young adults can tell the truth before they reach a crisis.
Would a young adult in your congregation or community know that they could come to you with a substance abuse concern?
Would they expect compassion—or judgment?
Would you recognize the warning signs?
Do you know the treatment and recovery resources available in your community?
Would you know when the situation required immediate professional intervention?
And perhaps most importantly:
Have you made it clear that they don’t have to wait until their lives are falling apart before they come through your door?
Sometimes we wait for struggling people to ask for help. Perhaps we should become better at letting them know, long before the crisis, that help is available.
Substance abuse can convince a young person that the future has become very small while recovery asks them to believe something radically different.
Of course, there are still relationships to repair, work to accomplish, people to love, contributions to make. There are still mornings they haven’t awakened to, places they haven’t visited, people they haven’t met, and versions of themselves they haven’t yet become. And all this can happen with healing systems, honest conversations, willingness to hear with an aim to help and support.
Whether that message comes from a parent, friend, therapist, physician, rabbi, priest, minister, imam, chaplain, or another trusted spiritual guide, that ‘someone else’, holding hope for them until they are able to hold it for themselves, may be one of the most valuable honest conversations we can have.
At Gregg’s Gift, we believe conversation creates connection, connection makes it easier to ask for help, and asking for help can change the direction of a young person’s life.
So perhaps the question for every spiritual community is not simply:
“What do we believe?”
Perhaps it is also:
“Have we created a place where someone who is struggling feels safe enough to tell us the truth?”
Because sometimes an honest conversation doesn’t simply change someone’s day.
It can help change what happens next.
If you or someone you know is in need of support or resources regarding substance abuse, don’t hesitate to get in touch for judgment-free suggestions.