When a young adult is at risk for substance abuse or is already in recovery the people who surround that person can make an important difference. Family members may be the first to notice a problem, but they are rarely the only people affected by it. Young adults also live, work, study, compete, worship, volunteer, and build friendships within larger communities.
Those communities include colleagues at work, members of professional associations, teammates, coaches, mentors, and people within spiritual or service organizations. Each group may see a different part of the young person’s life. Each may notice changes that others do not. And each can create a culture in which asking for help is possible.
Throughout this series, we’ve explored an honest conversation with parents, siblings, friends, spiritual guides and more. Today, let’s discuss an honest conversation with a colleague. There is diversity here as there are many ways in which such a relationship will grow and find a level that suits both the professional role and personal comfort between the parties involved. Such a relationship does not require a diagnosis, confrontation, or perfect understanding of substance abuse. It begins with something much simpler: concern, attention, and a willingness to see the person before seeing the problem.
The silence surrounding substance abuse
Through our many posts, you know that substance abuse often grows in an atmosphere of secrecy. A young adult may be frightened by their own behavior yet unable to explain it. In their working environment, which, as a young adult, may be a new one for them, they may fear disappointing their parents, losing a job, being removed from a team, damaging the beginnings of a professional reputation, or being judged by people they respect.
Colleagues may also remain silent. They may notice that someone is missing meetings, arriving late, losing focus, becoming unusually withdrawn, or behaving in ways that seem out of character. And, they may tell themselves that it is none of their business; perhaps they worry about saying the wrong thing or prefer to assume someone else will intervene.
Sometimes that silence is understandable. Privacy matters, and no colleague should attempt to become a therapist, physician, investigator, or savior. But there is a difference between respecting privacy and ignoring visible distress.
An honest conversation can be a compassionate middle ground. It allows someone to say, “I’ve noticed a change in the way you’re working, and I care about what may be happening,” without making accusations or pretending to have all the answers.
Begin with what you have observed
The most helpful conversations are based on specific observations rather than labels.
Instead of saying, “You have a drug problem,” a colleague might say:
“You haven’t seemed like yourself lately, and I wanted to check in.”
“I’ve noticed you’ve missed a few deadlines and seem distracted when you are here. Is something going on?”
“You’ve been quieter than usual in our meetings. You don’t have to explain anything you’re not ready to discuss, but I want you to know I’m available.”
These statements do not assume the cause of the problem; there is no accusation. They create an opening. The young adult may reveal substance use, anxiety, depression, grief, exhaustion, financial stress, or another challenge entirely. The purpose is not to force disclosure. It is to communicate that someone has noticed and that the person does not have to carry the burden completely alone.
The guiding principle is simple: ask before assuming, listen before judging, and learn before labeling.
The workplace: support with appropriate boundaries
In a workplace, honest conversations require particular care. A colleague may be concerned about an employee’s wellbeing while also recognizing that safety, attendance, performance, and professional responsibilities matter.
Support does not mean ignoring dangerous behavior or excusing repeated violations of workplace expectations. It means responding to concerns with dignity rather than humiliation.
A supervisor might say, “I want to talk about what I’ve been noticing and make sure you understand the support and resources available to you.” A colleague might offer information about an employee assistance program, a health benefit, or a trusted human resources contact.
The conversation should take place privately and respectfully. It should not become what too often might happen: gossip around the office. It should not be conducted in front of coworkers or framed as a public warning. If there is immediate danger – perhaps impairment while operating machinery, driving, or performing safety-sensitive work – appropriate safety procedures must come first.
Compassion and accountability can exist together. A person can be held responsible for their conduct while still being treated as a human being worthy of help.
Professional associations and networks
Professional associations can be especially meaningful to young adults who are developing an identity and reputation in their field; employees who have not yet established themselves comfortably within what may be a new identity as a working person. A substance-related problem may threaten not only their employment but also their sense of belonging and future.
Leaders of professional groups can help by making wellness and recovery visible parts of their culture. They can share resources, invite qualified speakers, provide confidential referral information, and avoid language that reduces people to their illness or past behavior.
A colleague does not need to become an expert. Sometimes the most valuable action is to offer a private conversation and say, “You are not the first person to struggle, and you do not have to disappear because you are having a difficult time.”
That message can counter the fear that seeking help will permanently destroy a career.
Sports clubs and teams
As we’ve explored in prior posts, sports communities often notice changes quickly. Teammates and coaches see one another under pressure, in moments of victory and disappointment, and through the routines of practice and competition.
A young adult who is struggling may begin missing practices, losing interest, becoming irritable, taking unusual risks, or withdrawing from teammates. Of course, these changes should not automatically be interpreted as substance abuse, but they deserve attention.
A coach might say, “You don’t seem yourself lately. What’s going on outside the game?” A teammate might say, “You can talk to me. I won’t pretend to have all the answers, but I’m here for you, to listen to what you need to share.”
Athletic teams, perhaps more than other environments in which the young adult participates, can reinforce the idea that strength includes asking for help. Recovery does not have to mean losing one’s identity as an athlete, teammate, professional, or friend. In fact, preserving healthy connections and meaningful activities can be an important part of rebuilding a life.
Spiritual and community organizations
Spiritual communities can offer something many young adults desperately need: belonging without performance. A person who is struggling may already feel ashamed, isolated, or convinced that they have disappointed everyone around them.
A spiritual leader does not need to offer simplistic answers. “Just have faith” is rarely enough to address a complex health condition. Beyond that, a spiritual community can communicate worth, love, accountability, and hope. It can remind the young adult that needing treatment is not a moral failure and that healing is not weakness.
A trusted leader might say, “You are still part of this community. We care about you, and we will help you find appropriate support.”
That welcome should be paired with professional care when needed. Spiritual support can be deeply meaningful, but it should complement, not replace, medical, psychological, and addiction treatment.
What honest support sounds like
The goal of an honest conversation is not to control the outcome. After all, the young adult may deny a problem, become defensive, or refuse help. That does not mean the conversation failed. A calm, respectful message may remain with them until they are ready to act. For the concerned colleagued, a way to ease into a difficult discussion might be:
“I care about you more than I care about being right.”
“You do not have to explain everything today.”
“I’ll help you find professional support.”
“I will respect your privacy yet I cannot ignore an immediate safety concern.”
“You still belong here.”
For parents, knowing that colleagues, coaches, mentors, and spiritual communities are willing to notice and respond can provide comfort. Families should not have to carry every concern alone. Recovery becomes more possible when the young adult encounters understanding in more than one part of life.
Gregg’s Gift believes that one honest conversation can interrupt shame, restore connection, and open a path toward help. We may not always know what to say. We may not be able to solve the problem. But we can choose not to look away.
We can see the person before the problem. We can ask before assuming. We can listen before judging. And we can help create communities where a young adult at risk or in recovery knows that asking for help does not mean losing their place in the world.
Gregg’s Gift supports a number of diverse charitable organizations and resources that can assist you, a colleague, team member or employee. You can learn more or connect with us here. And, if you are in a position to join us, the ideal opportunity could be the October 28th Comedy Night, our 16th annual celebration of awareness and understanding of those at risk or recovering.